You Are Not A Victim, You Are Experiencing The Consequences of Your Dating Decisions

In 2015, I met a guy named Abel and I knew as soon as I saw him that he was the guy I wanted. At first, my approach was direct, aggressive. I was calculated, I was intentional, I was “randomly” in the same spaces at the same time, even made sure to get in good with the friends. I quickly discovered that I was reading the situation all wrong. For a guy who basically lived in the club, his aversion to my being in the same spaces was an unexpected curveball. And so I played it coy, played the new girl exploring a new city card, and reassessed my plan of attack. Whatever Abel needed me to be, I was going to find a way to be just that. Finally, a little nudge from a now mutual friend led him to ask me out on a date. Although it wasn’t the romantic, eye-opening first date I’d hoped for and would be rescheduled four times before finally happening, I was too caught up to be offended. The more disinterest Abel displayed, the more it became my mission to prove to him my worth. We would play a riveting game of “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not” over the next few months. Abel wasn’t romantic. Wouldn’t call him affectionate either. Neither domestic nor handy. And he was extremely forgetful, especially when it came to things that were important to me. He wasn’t a take charge kinda guy, I suggested, planned, and coordinated all of our outings…